True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
