you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
