his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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