So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
