we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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