Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
