Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
