And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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