question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
