I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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