can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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