Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
