dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
