So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
