great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
