Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
