Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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