He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
