for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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