Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
