that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
