i think i have herpe
just one?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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