My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
