My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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