Dual....:-)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
