end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
