Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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