Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
