Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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