Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
