I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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