He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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