I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need a beard to bite.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
