The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
