girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
