HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
