Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you never un-have a 4some
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
