I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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