His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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