guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
