Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
