You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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