I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
