I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
