Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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