I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
