We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
