So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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