RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
