He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
