Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to sanitize my soul.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
