I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
