But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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